If I had been running "Doctor Who"...

                Do you ever play the “If I ran Doctor Who” game? Yes, you probably do. But do you play my preferred version – the “If I had been running Doctor Who” game?

                It involves imagining yourself as the showrunner of a particular season/era of the show and deciding how you would have been better. So, maybe you helm season 15 and write out K9...or maybe you fiddle the running order of season 20 to ensure it’s Arc of Infinity, rather than The Return, that gets hit by a strike.

                Today, I’d like to take you with me in a journey through TRIAL OF A TIME LORD. The story so far: Doctor Who has been taking an unprecedented 18-month hiatus, owing to being hated by the management and (let’s be honest) having recently not been as good as it used to be. It was make-or-break time and, being objective, it broke. The legacy of this season was a sacked lead actor, declining ratings and Bonnie Langford. So let’s see if the same basic material could have been improved.

                EPISODES ONE TO FOUR: TERROR OF THE VERVOIDS

                Firstly, let’s deal with that courtroom set. See how much more trouble the Doctor looks like he’s in back in The War Games episode 10. Why does season 23 put him on a cheaper version of the set from Clown Court, watched over by 12 mannequins? Let’s take some visual cues from The Deadly Assassin or, indeed, from the Matrix scenes in the final two episodes of Trial as transmitted. Darker lighting (the regular cry during the eighties), moody shadows, a hint of an ancient tradition – and let’s ditch that opening shot, too. Set the trial on Gallifrey itself and use the money for something more important.

                So, in the Valeyard’s first piece of evidence, the Doctor and Peri arrive on the Hyperion III. (I have good reasons for switching the broadcast order.) This has always been my favourite Pip & Jane Baker script and with a little more judicious script editing it could even be wonderful. I still don’t think the Vervoids look that stupid. Episode 4 ends with the Doctor crowing about saving the people of Earth and the Valeyard accusing him of genocide. Sorted. Next.

                EPISODES FIVE TO EIGHT: MINDWARP

                This could go ahead largely as broadcast, with a few significant changes. Casting, for starters. I love Brian Blessed as much as anyone and am very glad he has been in Doctor Who. But maybe not in a role that required the female lead to fall in love with him. Could he not have played Rudge? Or Gavrok? Or Light? Also, it might perhaps be good if the viewer could discern a moment when the Doctor regains his senses after the wobbling-machine cliffhanger to episode 5. I still don’t know which scenes are mad-Doctor, which are faking-Doctor and which are Matrix-lying-Doctor.

                Anyway, it ends with Peri dead. The prosecution rests. She has to die – I’m working on the basis that Nicola Bryant (no relation) was only hired for 8 episodes’ worth of filming. It’s from here on that I get really different.

                EPISODES NINE TO TWELVE: THE MYSTERIOUS PLANET

                Begins with a downcast Doctor introducing his defence. However, here’s the radical change. Don’t bizarrely dip into his future...instead, he should show an adventure from further back in his past. On comes the screen – to reveal Patrick Troughton and Frazer Hines. Well, why not? We know Troughton wanted to return to the series after The Five Doctors, and if this had been planned for season 23 it means we could all have been spared the horror that is The Two Doctors in season 22!

                So the sixth Doctor narrates a second Doctor adventure as his defence. Wouldn’t that just be brilliant? And during this defence, we witness Sabalom Glitz (who I would make a rather more likeable figure – I’ve never understood why the 7^th Doctor and Mel are so happy to hang out with a conman, slaver and ally of the Master) being bleeped out when he talks about the sleepers.

                Because the whole “messing with the Matrix” plotline makes no sense when presented as part of the Valeyard’s evidence – and using this moment from the opening instalment as a plot point in episode 13 is just optimistic. So instead, the discovery of the bleep will lead fairly swiftly into the closing two-parter’s revelations.

                EPISODES THIRTEEN TO FOURTEEN: THE ULTIMATE FOE

                Much of this would stay the same – the Master, Glitz (not Mel), the revelation of the Valeyard’s true identity, the dash into the Matrix – but my major change would be the Doctor’s motivation. I would be getting Colin Baker to play him subdued and downcast ever since Peri’s death and the realisation that the Time Lords were behind the Ravalox incident would push him further downhill. So we should actually believe he is willing to surrender himself to JJ Chambers/the Valeyard.

                A lot of episode 14 would need to be jettisoned (although not the wonderful screen-within-a-screen moment) because in the Matrix, in the Valeyard’s domain, he would stumble into – Thoros Beta! He finds himself observing the events of Part 8, but how they actually happened!

                This would require extra scenes to be shot during the filming of the earlier episode, of course. Or rather, alternative versions of existing scenes. Instead of being told abruptly that Peri survives to marry Yrcanos, we should get to see her survive and see the true ending of that story: perhaps ending when Peri sees the Doctor whisked away in the TARDIS and says goodbye to the vanishing police box? When he realises she’s still alive, the Doctor’s revitalised and uses his new strength to defeat the Valeyard. He is pardoned and leaves in the TARDIS. With Glitz. Carrot juice is not mentioned.

                SEASON 24

                Of course, it’s never possible to leave it there. What happens next? With Colin Baker being unexpectedly sacked between seasons and Sylvester McCoy replacing him, the production team decided to shoot a bodged regeneration as the opening to Time and the Rani. Poor decision. How about this – we first encounter the Doctor on Iceworld, solo, having a cup of tea. He meets Ace and they begin their adventures. No explanation for the regeneration, or for Glitz’s absence...maybe until later in the season...

                I’ll stop there. So, that’ll be a glimpse into what I think about in my downtime. I hope you’re the same.